I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
