I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
