so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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