we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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