Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize