You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
