I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
