Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
