I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
