u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Vodka?
Forever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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