every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
