I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry about my life...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
