I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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