You really coming over, don't trick.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
