You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
soo... how was my night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
