Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
