Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she smelled like a LAN party
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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