just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
