My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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