Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
