hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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