she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
