in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
