Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
