you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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