if you like me you must not know who I am
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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