break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
