I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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