tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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