can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
operation harelip BJ is a go
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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