if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
