Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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