You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My feet surprised me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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