dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
