Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
