For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
