there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
