I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
