that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
