You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
