how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
