Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
