Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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