I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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