i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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