Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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