i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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