Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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