My hair reeks of homosexuality.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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