well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
