If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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