Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
