whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
