I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize