how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
