Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
