It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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