i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
