cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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