My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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