you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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