He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
