I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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