Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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