Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
