You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
