and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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