hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
