i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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