she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
