I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
