There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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