I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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